i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
