Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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