I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
