You're my little dorito
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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