Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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