Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
