allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
