so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
