singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
it was like eating out sand paper
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize