I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
