We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
