i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
