alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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