Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize