So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
