Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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