thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
im holly from the hills drunk
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize