Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
