i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
