trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
