Your face is a jimmy john
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
