It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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