I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
