Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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