Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
