Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize