can u get pink eye on your cock?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
