Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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