Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
