so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
