I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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