Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Randomize
