from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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