Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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