my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
