you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
