she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I would fuck him just for his dog
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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