You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
