I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
