so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
