She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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