He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
