a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
