I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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