Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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