I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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