Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
