Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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