she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
