we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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