...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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