There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
being pregnant is like rehab
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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