Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
