At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
