Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
