Nicole vs. Life
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
