We're facebook friends in real life
I puked a lego.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
