Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize