Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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