I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I would fuck him just for his dog
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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