why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
OPIZZABONMYDICK
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
