She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
