Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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