Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
