i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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