I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
