Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I faked an abortion last night.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
