Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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