Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
