I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i was born a porn star she said
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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