Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
